MERRY CHRISTMAS - It's so SNOWY!!!!

Hello darlings. So sorry I've not been around for so long but I've been in Egypt. Sailing down the Nile in a a huge barge rowed by twenty naked brown bear slaves. It was marvellous - though not as marvellous as I deserve. Anyway, we did all the ancient monuments - and I had to fight off all my admirers - I have so many in Egypt, which rather surprised me. I didn't realise they had such good taste. While I was there I was lent Elizabeth Taylor's Cleopatra wardrobe, and tried out  her jewels. Here's a photo of me wearing some of them. Don't I look fabulous? Even better than Liz I think...

Now it's back to freezing England. I know I'm called snowy, but really I think Egypt suits me much better weather wise. I loved that barge, munching grapes and being wafted by a huge fan. He was very big I must say. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL and send me lots of presents. I'm worth it.

HELLO DARLINGS!

Hello everyone. So sorry it's been an AGE since I was last on here, but I've been busy, busy, busy, opening a new Bear Spa and a range of Snowy Toiletries. Anyway, I've been rooting around in the archive and discovered this photograph, which looks like some Nativity scene Christmas Card. I wonder why I wasn't included as the Angel Gabriel, being made for the part, as I am. Perhaps next year. They look quite cute, but I think they're milking it.

PORTRAIT TIME

ME again - who else? I had someone do this portrait of me. It reminds me of those old Bugs Bunny cartoons. Perhaps I should have my own cartoon series. I'll suggest it next time I meet my agent. It's quite a good likeness, and fortunately, the obscure little man who scribbled it didn't want paying.

Back from the Spa

Darlings, here I am again, fresh and lovely after my 48 hours in so-so luxury, being pampered by little Asian bears with very odd faces, but quite powerful paws - very good masseurs, I must say, but I shan't be going back to this particular establishment, which did leave quite a lot to be desired. Even so, after all the stress of the past few days, it feels wonderful to be loosened up and restored to my peak level of gorgeousness. So I thought I'd share a few pics which the paps took - God knows how they sneaked in past all the high security  fences, but they'll go to any trouble to catch me in compromising situations, and who can blame then, really?

 Before I do anything, I like a quiet few moments with the bidet...well, obvs not entirely on my own - there were paps there too, but I'm used to that. (Just as long as there were no "plops" eh? Ha ha!) Cleopatra had audiences in the bath, didn't she?

Then, of course, one has to choose the range of perfumes on offer. Didn't think much of this particular selection, I must say, so I went for the D&G, which was a weeny bit less tired than dull old Eau Savage. What kind of granddads does this place cater for normally? And is that Lavender Water behind it? Eek!

I love a really good foaming bath, don't you? Being white white white, I tend to disappear in all those bubbles, so I don't want too many, otherwise no one would know I was there and they might send out a search party.

And I must have the right kind of soap. My fur has thousands of glittery strands that need careful conditioning to keep me in tip top shape. Fortunately, I'm worth it.

Here I am looking none too pleased and a bit ruffled, I'm afraid, after all the dreadful things that have been said about me in recent weeks. I'm boiling! My glittery bits are all on edge. It's quite simple. I'm gorgeous, and everyone else is...well, not quite as gorgeous. As my website says "Snowy Is Best". This, however, does not mean that I am not a caring bear with feelings that are easily hurt. I need love and adoration like everyone else - just rather more than usual...Anyway, I'm spending the weekend in a health spa to unwind, and when I get back I'll be even more gorgeous than before! See you, darlings!

Snowy xxx

SNOWY AT HOME

Hello darlings. People think that the life of a superstar is easy, but I don't have any servants. I always say that if you want a job doing well you have to do it yourself. David Beckham hoovers stripes into his carpets every day so that they look like Wembley Stadium, and though football looks awfully muddy and most unsuitable to a snow-white thing like myself, I understand where he's coming from. As you can see, I arrange the pile of my carpets into circles. Visitors think I've been invaded by aliens when they first see them.

After all that housework, there's nothing I like better than a nice cup of tea. I have the flowers flown in every day from Fortnum and Masons. I always think about that amusing story regarding Kenneth Williams when I'm having my afternoon cuppa. Kenneth, as you probably know, rather liked flashing his meat and two veg at unsuspecting passers by when filming all those wonderful CARRY ON movies at Pinewood Studios. (Note to Self: must remember to get up early tomorrow for my close-ups). Anyway, one day,  a very laconic tea lady was wheeling her squeaking tea trolley down the corridor and Kenneth leapt out from behind a door to reveal all. The tea lady was unmoved. Looking him up and down she just said: "One lump or two? - or in your case, none at all, I suppose."

Some unkind people say that I resemble Whistler's mother in this intimate photo-portrait, but I don't think she could ever have worked as hard as I have today. I really do enjoy a good sit down. In fact, I'm rather like Oscar Wilde in that respect, who once confessed that whenever the urge to do any exercise came over him he lay down until the urge had passed away. Not only have I had to do all that housework and tea drinking, but I have had to look my best whilst doing it for the photographer. All you ordinary housewives out there, living your humdrum little lives never have to contend with that, do you, bless. I rather envy you - until I realise how much more interesting and glamorous I am. It's just a cross I have to bear, if you'll forgive the pun.

WHO IS RESPONSIBLE?

I have just heard the terrible news that I was not included on that FabBear photo shoot. I should have been on the cover. I have sacked my PR staff and am now hiring a new team. Would David like to be in charge of it, to avoid further mistakes and avoid disappointing all my fans?